Portland did what? Pinch me. Am I dreaming?

Tom BowdenTom Bowden is a bike commuter from Richmond VA, a "suit" – a corporate lawyer with an MBA, and a conservative "“ You betcha! He is also a board member of Bike Virginia, a pro cycling and pedestrian group in Virginia that raises money to promote cycling, walking and active lifestyles. Tom’s lawyerly blogging can be found at:

I had a dream that I was watching the news last night, and it went something like this…

This just in: Iran Admits to Nuclear Weapons Program, agrees to disband by Thursday to be followed by unlimited international inspections. Immediately prior to his public self-beheading in Tehran, Former President Ahmadinejad admitted it was all a huge error and the US “isn’t really so terrible after all.”

Tom Bowden Dreaming

In Greece, amateur snorkelers near Santorini stumbled on an underwater tunnel that they followed into what appears to be the remarkably well preserved capital of the Lost Continent of Atlantis. The Greek Navy immediately dispatched salvage crews who in less than 24 hours retrieved enough gold, silver and priceless artifacts to put Greece and the entire European Union on a sound financial footing for decades.

Elsewhere in totally unrelated news, Prince Charles of Great Britain abdicated his right to succeed to the throne stating, “It’s widely known that my trolley has been off its track for some time now, and Wills is eminently more qualified to succeed mummy, not to mention much more attractive — he gets that from his mother’s side of course.” The Prince could not be reached for further comment but was rumored to be working naked in his garden where he likes to paint himself blue with organic mulberry juice while pulling weeds and chanting sacred druid verse.

In the Northwestern US, the city of Portland shocked no one by announcing that its new transportation budget would emphasize cycling and walking infrastructure over motorized transportation. Citing innumerable studies that show the fiscal advantages of human powered mobility over fossil fuel powered mechanized alternatives, PBOT Director Tom Miller mockingly commented “Who do all those automobilers or whatever they call themselves think they are anyway – Richard Petty? I mean zooming around in their high powered machines like they’re at the Daytona 500, and lugging two tons of steel and rubber with them just to pick up a six pack and a loaf of bread from around the corner. It’s absurd. They need to grow up. In this economy, we don’t have the luxury of supporting their childish fantasies.” Concerned advocates of automobile transportation were rumored to be plotting a protest for the following Monday morning when they would all drive their cars to work at rush hour, thereby overwhelming the city’s road system and bringing traffic to a standstill, however, it was pointed out that such an effort might not be distinguishable from normal conditions, and, in any event, would have little effect on the city’s large and growing population of bike commuters and pedestrians.

In national politics, Republican contender Mitt Romney reached out to President Barack Obama and offered to be his running mate, replacing VP Joe Biden, who has been suffering from more frequent bouts of Tourette’s Syndrome, in which he uncontrollably contradicts the President’s stated policies while carefully attributing his statements to former UK Labor Party leaders. Said Romney, “Look I’m a realist – no one knows more about Obamacare than I do, and if the President is going to save it, he needs me to get it done. I saved the Olympics, I can save Obamacare too.”

The sounds of heavy trucks on the street outside my loft awakened me before I could learn what else was going on in my alternate reality dream world, but imagine how shocked I was to read this article in StreetsBlog!

Citing Budget Constraints, Portland to Invest More in Biking, Not Driving
Screen shot: Streetsblog.net

It seems I may have developed a nascent capability to predict the future in my dreams! Portland’s PBOT Director actually said that for fiscal reasons, biking and walking would take precedence over automobiles! (I think the rest of the quote was probably something I ate yesterday at last weekend’s Earth Day festival). Anyone who has read Mia Birk’s “Joyride” knows what a radical change that is from when she and Earl Blumenauer were fighting City Hall just to get a few bike racks installed.

As Gandhi once said “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”

Now if I can just focus my dreams on the NASDAQ for a week or two…

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