Getting the 'Sexiest Man Alive' to Bike to the Oscars

Like many people, my dear mother loves celebrities. She loves reading about them, looking at them, talking about them, reading about other people talking about looking at them.

Ask her to name the mayor of her city, I’m not sure if she could (and not because Tibshraeny is hard to pronounce). Ask her who the ex-husband of Sandra Bullock has been tweeting lately, and she just might know. (Even if she isn’t certain what tweeting is, it certainly sounds salacious.)

Bradley Cooper in red carpet Oscar ride-up? |

So it was Mom who I thought of when I read my name alongside the names of celebrities Bradley Cooper, Jonah Hill, Rooney Mara, Michelle Williams, Brad Pitt, and Bret McKenzie.

Not just on some dumb bike blog. (Clearly any fool can make that happen.) But on a real publication:, in the Movies section, in an article written by respected film critic and cyclist, Steven Rea.

I can’t wait to tell her.

And she could tell you (if you didn’t know already) that the list of celebrities includes the reigning and previously reigning “Sexiest Man Alive.” More importantly (to me, anyway) is that those celebrities are all cyclists.

Steven Rea, you may recall, has published a new photo book, Hollywood Rides a Bike, which is available now.

And he is helping me in my efforts to find and Oscar nominee, presenter, or guest who will ride a bike to the Academy Awards this year.

So far, no one’s committed to his Academy Awards ceremony cycling idea ““ and admittedly it’ll be more of a challenge for the women arriving in designer gowns and $100,000 baubles than for menfolk who can simply put a trouser clip on their tuxedo pants ““ but Johnson is drumming up support for his campaign.

Drumming up support. Right. I have talked to a few people who know people who know people. But my connections to star power are tenuous. When I play the Six Degrees of Separation game starting with myself, I can get within two degrees of Slobodan Milošević. (I know someone who testified against him). Not exactly a connection to fame I can leverage for this Oscars thing.

What I’ve found out is, in order to pull this off, I need to be chummy with someone called a publicist. If not chummy, I need to arrange to ride an elevator with one and have a very compelling pitch on the tip of my tongue. Having a giant pannier full of cash would help too.

There are no such elevators or opportunities where I am in Flagstaff, Arizona. I have access to lots of panniers, but none are presently full of cash. I looked.

So, on Rea’s advice, I wrote my pitch (minus the snark) and put it in a PDF. You can download it here. If you know a publicist or celebrity, or if you even know where those magic elevators are, feel free to pass it on.

Hi Mom!

Post navigation